ALANIC- The Kiasu Kia of the Century Residing in The Heart of South East Asia

I want to get married

2012-01-25T23:29:00.002+08:00

It was sleepless night (again).
Thinking of getting married.
Staying in a bungalow of my own design.

Wish of getting married.

-Jackass-

God will take care the rest.

2012-01-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

It has been quite demotivating these few months.

Thanks to all the junks that came to me.

I must focus on the purpose of my return and not be side-tracked from the main road.

Accidents do happen. Walk away from the episode is what i learned and start anew.

Looking forward for what is important.

God will take care the rest.

Life

2011-12-26T18:19:00.001+08:00

The day is coming to make another decision.

It is the most stressful and fearful decision worrying of needed resources.

Needing much discipline in order to do so.

Planning for some runaway. It has been too long and too many things had happened.

A cooling off period is needed.

Think of the what kind of life I will enjoy later...

Life.

At the end of the road

2011-11-06T22:20:00.000+08:00

WE both know where we are.

I am nobody to change life.

Deep inside it is painful for not able to help.

I decided to walk away but held on so long hoping to touch your soul.

I was wrong.

You are closing the doors of understanding the outside world.

All i did was of love.

Now, no more.

We are at the end of the road.

Another Turn

2011-10-01T18:05:00.002+08:00

- It is not the end of the road, make a turn, you'll find the way -

I believe no one would like to torture themselves by doing something they dont like.

Another point to make a change already. A proven formula of success.

Read too much from Rich Dad, it is time to act (execute).

Nothing, ever will bring me down.

Never-ending

2011-09-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

The only way of escape is in my mind.

A ball, always being kicked here and there without feeling sorry.

The dust under feet - worthless.

History repeating itself again and have no power in stopping what is happening - powerless.

All that a ball could hope for is having someone kicking the ball too far and the ball would not return at all.

Then comes appreciation and sorry?

I doubt you feel so.

Afraid all the times.

Praying that nothing like this will ever, ever happen, but always it is self-repeating.

Never-ending. Sadness. Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Never-ending.

Sadness.

Pulling Back

2011-08-14T01:09:00.004+08:00

The confession was a big tight slap to my face.

I was too confident that this whole story gona be a mess but still i took a deep breath and dive in.

- Praying that it would turn out beautiful -

Suddenly felt like pulling back everything i have lay down.

I tried my best of giving the best but a small little dishonesty has broken the whole trust.

- Fragile -

Doubting this whole new story meant to go on or a full stop is meant to be dotted.

The best thing i will never have in life.

- Dishonesty -

1+1=2

2011-08-02T00:42:00.003+08:00

I took so long to understand that I am fighting hard, but im all alone.

I need nothing but love and care.

Understanding - heart to heart.

Wherever I'm standing now, i hope to hold your hands telling you i want you to be successful too.

I dare to open up for the truth as i know you are different.

I see a bright star waiting for some courage to stand out on a much higher ground.

Tears flown as heart broken.

My thought has once again be the poison of a relationship.

I too hope we could survive this trials til our friendship grows more.

I could only find peace in music of your speech.

The song of your heart.

The peace of your presence.

I pray for that.

I Climb

2011-07-19T23:58:00.002+08:00

there's always another mountain, i always want to make it move.

along the way, I have built lots of friendships which never ends.

your strengths are my strength.

I always need you.

I hope i can be there for you when you need some one.

Future was yesterday

2011-06-04T23:13:00.002+08:00

what time is it now?

a day wasted today where future was yesterday.

Jazzing up my mind, thinking of future, not yesterday.

Will You?

2011-05-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

I guess I am standing on top of the world.

I see you still, sometimes.

You made the biggest difference in my life.

I cant deny.

It was too late. Too many scars.

Life moves on.

I have too.

I have been chasing the wrong dream.

I need to move on beyond the boundary.

To a greater dream.

I hope one day, we are to share my dreams together.

Will you?

The Wrong Dream.

2011-05-29T22:19:00.005+08:00

I have been chasing the wrong dream.

Now it is time for correction. Now it is time to make a revolution in my life.

I have so many things in mind and it is exploding.I cant contain it.

Time is running out and i need to leave this never-ending rat-race.

I dont belong to this world.

Harmony

2011-04-10T00:15:00.003+08:00

Beautiful is the word to describe how beautiful it is when the world is in unison, sharing their vision, their poetry, their voice. The vision of the composer is vital in creating the message, we the messenger is to make sure we have the voice to deliver it with an angelic voice. A masterpiece.

While listening to this song, I have a vision of the future, seeing myself being cremated. My body will be gone turning into gases and bone fragments. I so have to enjoy all the beauty in people that is walking in and out of my life. This makes me think why the world is so cruel - making other people's life difficult. Follow the melody of this song, go deep inside you mind and look for the answer. The answer of your existence in this world. I know what it is. We have to be harmonious as all these voices being in harmony creating a heaven-like world for us to live in. Harmony. The Yin and Yang. In the end, we will be gone from this world. I hope the best will happen to all of my friends and people that i never had a chance to know them in the street and in this world. I try to understand their action, I observe wherever i am, learning from their action and create a harmony in my mind to understand them.

How beautiful it is when you are in harmony. This song takes away all my worries. Never felt so free mentally. I wish songs of this genre will be played during my funeral whenever the time comes for me to return back to the mother nature in the form of gases and bone fragments.

Wish the world will be in peace and wish your heart will be in peace too my friends.

I love all of you.

Just Do It!

2011-04-05T22:08:00.003+08:00

9 May 2011 will mark a complete two-years if i'm still in Singapore but i could see where i will be if im still there.

I have been viewing pictures online how Singapore look like and what is there to offer me before going there. I was very excited then but too bad, i came to realised that it was only packaging of Singapore. People perceive it to be great and above others.

I came back empty-handed unfortunately. I'm not talking about money, though it matters, but the working experience that i need to survive while getting enough money to move on with my dreams. Oh, im talking about working-experience? I'm confused sometimes, what is it that i want?!

At last, seeing others working in the industry previously, now i have the chance to go full-force and be a star! I'm serious!

In the end, this is not what i want. It is only a stepping stone that will only bring me an inch forward...nowhere closer to the place that i want to be.

So where is it that i want to be?

I miss Singapore and all the people that i met there. It was a great experience working in a modeling agency which i never thought of joining. Was it an accident? Yes, it was! I was so desperate for a job, maybe because of destiny, I joined the company. Low pay, i can't complain enough when talk about money and the amount of work need to do, but the fun in it that is priceless. I mentioned empty-handed just now. So didn't i gain anything from Singapore? It might not be relevant to what i am doing now, but it would be priceless for what i am doing in future.

I confused you by my own confusion? Yeh, it happens all the time. Being random is a good thing. Your enemies don't know what you are thinking...being random and not FOCUS will invite great disaster in life.

Look forward, extend my vision and seeing things beyond my vision is what i want.

Seeing is not enough, have to DO IT!

Face To Face

2011-03-27T02:08:00.005+08:00

I hope to see You face to face for you are my strength.

**************************************************************

It has been two weeks already.

You have granted what i have asked, for you know the best of my needs.

Praises would never be enough for us to sing of your Glory.

Everything that i have today is given by You.

You held me up when i fall.

You spirit is with me.

Having the ability to see your majestic work is like seeing You face to face everyday.

2011-02-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

There's always time for everything.

At last I managed to let everything go.

It is time for me to start anew again.

The future promises too many things.

Every point of my life, it teaches me something.

I dare not say that I really learned from it, but i hope i did.

Close to 2 years already and it is time to move on.

This will be another turning point.

This is going to be major.

I had an eye-opening life experience here but it is time to move on.

People walked in and out of my life. It was painful though but i am alright right now.

I want to thank all my friends that have been there for me when i really needed you. You didn't do anything to help me, but you were there when i needed to be with someone. I bet you yourselves didn't know there was something wrong. Being with all of you has distracted all the problem that i was facing.

All of you out never failed to open up new doors to a .

We shared laughters and indeed it is the best medicine no matter where you are.

What A Life!

2011-02-02T16:51:00.002+08:00

This whole city is ever-changing though it is still being labeled as dead-city. However, there's sign of life resulted by some outside investments pouring into the city. Thanks to all the business people able to see the potential this city has.

I always find it very inspiring speaking to someone where they will open up the door of their world and i would be able to see so many point of view in their shoes. It assures me that this world has unlimited opportunities that I have yet to explore.

A sustainable future is what we are aiming at. People might use 'financial freedom' interchangeably.

Yesterday was speaking to one of my previous part-time job ex-colleague. I might be following his foot-step soon to explore this area. I think by that time, I wouldn't even have time to sit down and typing all this out. Insurance, Properties, Businesses - everything is growing! How can i contain the fountain of wealth that is in front of my very eyes.

To reach the destination, there's lots of hardwork and perseverance.

I could fee my life is transforming at this point! I am looking at it very positively. Should everything is going as planned, i believe it guarantees success!

Life! What a life!

I am here still

2011-01-23T13:43:00.004+08:00

I can't understand why I wanted to share this happiness with you.

I wish I could be nearer to you. So near, that I could only see you.

I want you to be my happiness once again.

I am still holding you near.

I hope you know the way to find me when you are ready.

I miss you.

I Thought I Saw You

2011-01-16T18:49:00.005+08:00

I was blank for a moment until i realised that it was you who stood in front of me.

I sat silently to recollect my thought until i woke up knowing vividly that you are not real anymore.

Have you thought of me before all this while? Have we came to an understanding of our decision and what we did because we love each other?

I am paralysed when you come across my mind. I have no power to resist your presence as I always don't.

I can't believe a wrong move has brought us to this unwanted episode of our lives.

All i can do now is to replay all the good memories in my head and smile on my own. Too sweet and too good to forget.

Walking down the street and seeing some familiar faces i would think it is you.

I am still making all the thoughts in my head if all these did not happen before, we could be so much better than dwelling in this miserable world.

I have not move forward, I don't know about you.

I told you before i have thousands of things wanted to tell you. I didn't know what i want to tell you but all i know there are thousands of things i am about to tell you.

Every moment of of our lives that i imagine was all about hapiness.

I still want to believe that i will have the chance.

I am still me and I will accept who you are.

I miss you

I LOVE YOU GUYS

2011-01-09T17:29:00.004+08:00

I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORTS.

Mark 6:31

2010-12-18T18:42:00.004+08:00

I have been away from Home for almost 5 months.

I fell deeper and poisoning my own mind without realising I am parting from Home.

Searching for false freedom that I wanted to make myself believe it exist.

I am so tired and I really need to have a rest.

This has been resounding in my head...

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” - Mark 6:31-

I need some peace.

I just need another chance

2010-11-16T03:39:00.002+08:00

I have been traveling to our future many times.

We should be happy together forever, but it was only a dream that i dreamed.

I tried to forget but forgetting is like tearing all the memories into pieces and trash it.

For I know there wouldn't be any chance for me to retrieve all we have talked about before this anymore.

All your words have been in my mind.

I don't want to forget all the things you told me.

I would never have a chance to hear that again, not even a goodbye from you.

All the pain came back to me so sudden.

I know i should not be taking a look at you anymore.

You just awaken my soul that i have been trying to put to sleep.

Now, the pain is so real again.

I still don't understand why and what happened.

You just choose to leave and never say goodbye.

I never have another chance to hold you once more.

I never have another chance to be where we were used to be anymore.

I have to let you go as it is too painful for letting you to dwell in my heart anymore.

It was easy for you, maybe.

Maybe you've tried but i gave my best looking forward until the end of the road,

...we're still standing, now, we have perished in between the line drawn by you.

I still can't let you go.

I just need another chance to prove my love to you.

Dark Sunday

2010-10-24T17:00:00.003+08:00

Roller coaster is at the bottom. Losing everything in a day feels fucked up.

It just keep on eating me for the past two months and i finally gave myself a tight slap and i woke up.

I wonder what this world could offer other than people keep on taking advantage of your life. I don't have anything for them to cheat, thus they would go inside my heart and take the most precious belonging from me.

I have nothing now.

I need to be positive enough to think that I still have my life.

A life that is being trashed and cast into a dark world - no sound, no light, and no life.

Left me there thinking the whole world is full of shit.

Survival of the fittest? It's true. I need to initiate within me.

I need CPR to revive my heart and make it start beating again.

Trust is the most valuable asset that someone could offer.

Should it be cheated, well, there you go, life into hell!

Who Am I?

2010-09-25T19:08:00.002+08:00

Had chance to talk to lots of people lately.

Finding my true self from the conversations that I had with all of them.

Once told, Alan, you are still finding yourself.

Should you find yourself, you will excel in everything you do.

I reminded myself that history repeats itself and I know that I will be standing strong again, after each time i fall.

I need time but time waits nobody.

I am trying to recollect everything that came to my mind before this - searching for myself.

Perhaps "Dare to Fail" holds some truth.

Read a lot lately - planning for my future (i don't know if i'm really planning)

Go out there to try different things - doing things that i don't understand why i did it.

People might think i'm stupid but i don't care.

I know what is life, but i love to hear about others' life.

Every story there's a lesson.

I'm in the adventure of seeking my true self.

Who am I?

I Left

2010-08-18T22:51:00.002+08:00

i couldnt understand why you were in my mind.

i needed you but you were not there.

i was scolded and beaten brutally by crazy people over the grudges they had on you but eventually my flesh became the victim.

i suffered my life because of what you did not do.

I fled to you for protection but you turned a blind eyes to me.

i tried my best but you said it was not for your good.

I remember the good things that you did and the bad things that you told to me.

The moment you raised your hand, i knew there's no turning back for you.

You have changed after getting your new precious and i am the dust in your feet.

Over and over again your words weren't conforting but hurting.

I know you tried but you gave up on me.

I gave up you too.

Should i be somebody someday, i wouldnt thank you because you don't own me anymore.

I chose to leave.

Mysterious

2010-08-02T00:20:00.002+08:00

I am drowning in the songs i have written for you.

I am drowning in my dream when i see you.

Everyday is a perfect day to be with you.

You are by my side, on rainny and sunny days.

We can go through the rain together.

I'd need some faith between us.

I'd need you to believe.

I'd do whatever to make you trust.

The stars in the sky belong to us.

We will reach the rainbow in no time.

Storms will come, but it will never defeat us.

We can stand the rain.

Would you be the one standing with me 'til the end?

Every moment i see you in my mind.

I held your hands in my dream.

I know what is the feeling,

it is not the same when in real.

I will never wanna let you go.

Hold me tight too, I will be right there for you.

A shoulder to cry on and listening ears.

You are nothing like i knew before.

You are so real yet you still a mystery.

Babe, sing me your song for you are the perfect love song.

Be faithful and lets unite.

Teach me you way and i will show you mine.

We will learn our words.

I am crying for you.

Listen to my lonely voice.

My mind is all of you everywhere.

You are dwelling in me already.

Are you still doubting?

I don't recognise pain

2010-07-27T22:15:00.002+08:00

Beside silence, i have overlooked the gap between us.

The clock is ticking away our words.

The water in the river that leads me to you is running dry.

What do i do now?

What do i say now?

WE are standing opposite to each other at a river bank

For i will swim to you.

For i will bear your pain.

For i will be by your side wherever you are.

For i will be the one.

May you be the one.

Wandering mind is running away with my soul.

I am left looking blank.

Empty mind, thirsting heart.

Blind eyes. I couldnt see anymore.

The blue sky, the deep blue sea.

I am standing still again.

I don't know if I'm waiting with faith.

or I am waiting for nobody.

I have been waiting and still waiting for nobody.

All by myself.

Living at nobody's home.

I dreamt of us in dreamland.

I dreamt of how we could be.

All could be, would be, and should be is only a dream now.

Every step I am walking alone.

Looking at strangers face passing by.

Couldn't feel a heart beat anymore.

I dont wana be like this but...

I don't recognise what is pain anymore.

Didera Sepi

2010-07-26T10:41:00.002+08:00

minda yang celaru memikirkan mu,

malam yang tak jadi, tanpa mu.

senyap sunyi diteman sepi.

hati keseorangan, dahagakan mu.

sudahlah hati ku terbuka untuk mu,

kunci hati telah kau curi

bilakah harus ku menanti,

hati ku sengsara didera sepi.

bayangan kau ku rasai,

sunyi tanpa suara hati

jadikah kasih kami?

Where are We?

2010-07-26T00:51:00.003+08:00

Sleepless night is killing me.

Silence drowned me.

Warm milk doesnt help.

You words never come.

Waiting is the answer.

My mind searching for you.

You heard my heart but you say nothing.

I am afraid, I am a fool on my own.

Who would answer all these questions?

Millions of thought racing through my head.

I am so in pain, I am so in...

I walked in and out but see no presence of you.

I wouldn't want to keep it silent, but i am in silence.

I lost my heart, but you found it.

I'm losing my mind, but here i am still

Where are you?

Where we stand?

Where am I?

Where are we?

Trust Our Instinct

2010-07-23T19:56:00.003+08:00

Something has change between us.

Something is not the same.

We are playing this game with a different rule.

We don't need a second guessing.

It is time to trust our instinct.

Close your eyes and hold my hand.

We will walk down the road together,

I am down cos' we are having two more days of silence between us again.

So Lost...Without You...

2010-07-23T00:16:00.003+08:00

Two more days of silence will leave me astray.

Time always stands between us.

Voices have not been heard.

Coldness wrap around us.

I saw you from far.

You were a star and now shine even brighter.

Emotions grow by days.

A taste of you will give a sense of completion.

Every time i close my eyes it is only you i see.

I couldnt feel your heartbeat, you are not close enough.

Do you know me? I am losing my mind.

It was never enough of you in me.

I am always thirst of you.

I could be little stubborn sometimes.

I would want to find a way to compromise.

I believe we could work things out.

I thought i already have the answer,

But i am so lost without you being by my side.

Would you say we wouldn't be together at all?

Baby I'm so lonely all the time.

Everywhere I go I'm so confused.

It was only you i have in my mind.

I'm not gona lie.

I keep trying to find the way.

I keep trying to face the day,

But I'm so lost without you.

Touch Me Deep

2010-07-21T21:39:00.003+08:00

I can stand thousand trials but watching stars without you, my soul crush.

Here in my heart, full of pain that your words is the only remedy.

I think of you when the sun rises.

You wish me sweet dream before we go to bed.

The moon sits in the air silently.

Shinning light that lead me to you.

I was lost but now i found you.

It took me so long, in the end i found you.

Neither of us have heard of each other and yet i felt that we are meant to be.

Touch me deep so you can feel my true heart.

The real me is deep within that is longing for you.

Time is meant to prove something, but eternity make us meet by chance.

Do not be afraid, so that i am not afraid.

Hold my hands for i will hold yours.

Should you fall, I will fall too.

Let us walk down to the wonderland that you and i meant to be.

Do you trust me?

Dwell in my heart

2010-07-19T22:22:00.007+08:00

Away for few days seemed like forever.

Without your words left me wondering if everything is ok for both of us.

Songs were playing in my mind making me so excited to sing it for you when we meet.

Meeting with the rest is not the same like meeting you.

So much more to tell yet so little time to spare to be with you.

Sitting with a blank mind hoping you would embrace my body.

Street lights shone on you, revealing your beauty that i always see in my dream.

But trouble come to me again. I am not a gold miner.

However, I understand i do have responsibility but i can't serve two masters at the same time.

I am at dead end everytime when i come to this.

I have not taste the taste of luxury before and I already understand this fact when i was seven.

I don't want this to be a curse.

I am seeking a road through prayer.

I am seeking someone through prayer but now i see you.

Standing in front of me smiling.

You are moving into my life and i am not resisting you.

Singapore 45th NDP 2010 Celebration

2010-07-15T22:45:00.003+08:00

The second time i am going to witness another historical day of this start-from-scratch, bean-size island when you look at the world map. It is the 45th anniversary - Live Our (Singaporean) Dream, Fly Our (Singaporean) Flag

How you have started with a barren land with zero resources and yet you able to triumph despite the zero of everthing condition that you had 45 years back.

I am truly grateful able to see the utmostly beautiful side of Singapore, the unity among races. There is no difference between the skin colours or religion, Singaporeans are united.

Singapore in the first place they dare to dream and dream even more after 45 years of Independence.

There's no ideal political model to shape the socio-economic structure of a country but it must be ideal to the society living within and Singapore is doing a great job.

I believe i would be able to see more of other countries, but i never regret to be here again to witness the glory of Singapore and i wish could see more of you.

Happy 45th National Day to all my Singaporean friends. I love you guys and girls a lot! =)

Strong Again

2010-07-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

My energy drained at the end of the day, but knowing that you will be there waiting with patience, I am strong again.

Words are silent but it contains emotions, a song, love, and a bond between two.

You encouraged, you motivated, but still my emotions is caged.

Let the falling rain wash them away to the wonderland.

Let it be kept there for the memories of every moment should be guarded by the angels of love.

and not faded away with time.

I hope you are calling me

I need to be brave to answer the call.

Your words only be contained but I can't own it at this moment.

I'm Officially Missing You

2010-07-14T03:54:00.005+08:00

all i hear is only rain drop

falling down from the roof

Thought i could escape and running away to cheat fate

I was so wrong...

Many tears was shed and i don't recognise the world anymore.

Thought of giving you a call right now.

Ain't no body doing like you.

Saying the little things like you do.

Could you hold me and tell me the sweet things you told me before?

It will always stay on my mind.

I am officially missing you...all i could hear was rain drop...

I'm drawing your face on the wall.

I hardly know you but i guess i already fall.

I'm officially missing you.

I am not you!

2010-07-13T22:59:00.003+08:00

You made me hate you so much. I have never seen a person like you.

You are so self-centered!

I know in the end you are the loser but i am the victim of your greed.

I have decided that this is the end of it!

I have swam in this empty sea looking fishes for you. I am so stupid. I believe i am not the only one.

More will fall in to your trap and be eaten up by your greed.

I am slow but not too late.

I am awake realising this is not the place i wanted to be anymore.

You are telling me that lying is a crime but you are lying in front of me.

Telling me to tell lies and expect me to say each and single words you have said?

I am not you.

I need to get over it!

Cell Group

2010-07-12T00:38:00.002+08:00

Today we were introduced on Buddy System in cell group for each of us to pick 2 persons in the cell group to - first one is to get to know more of that person (House-to-House) and the second one would be a buddy from different age group.

I wanted to choose everyone, but i have chose (maybe we should create a Buddy Point System among the buddies for us to trade among each other for favor like what Terence always suggesting. LOL)

1) Yu Xuan and Zhi Yong
2) Zhen Fong

Every cell group is talking about multiplication nowadays and everybody seems quite interested to know how it's going to happen.

Questions like, which cell group would I belong to after multiplication, who would be my cell leader, when, and where of everything will be asked...but just be faithful and wait for the time.

I have never heard of multiplication of a cell group before, maybe do not engage in church activities long enough but i do understand the need of it.

I read a book of Ps. David Yonggi Cho, the founder of the largest church in the world based in Korea, 4th Dimensional Living in the 3 Dimensional World. It was really a break-through for me how our Faith can lead us to victorious life.

I am currently reading another book of a legendary extrodinaire evangelist, Reinhard Bonnke, Time Is Running Out which summoned all of us to be the doer of the Words and not the hearer of the Words - Evangelism, it's so crucial for us to spread the good news to EVERYONE!

Lately felt a need to buy something for someone...it would be a blessing for someone! =)

Well, I was speechless and i awe when a friend of mine told me he is quite impressed with my weekend activities like attending church service and having fellowship with my cell group members. He even said to join me at church when he comes to singapore to work, but afraid that his english command is not good enough. I decided to get a book to help him.

For me, it took quite some time for me to improve through reading and writing and speaking, of course. With faith, all things are possible!

I believe He is working something right now to prepare a path for me to walk on, very soon.

I believe the Day will come where His blessings is more than i could contain!

He is the ever loving Lord.

I am so glad to be saved and having so many great people around me.

I am looking forward every day for Him to move me to move others.

I am attending my Bible study classes...and this is only the beginning of what i have promised Him.

May all the great people around me be blessed in every aspect of their life - family, marriage, friendship, health, academics, career, and life.

Let us all be the steward of the Words.

I am seeking God to help me on my finances.

May He provide me the wisdom.

Amen.

Let the Cross Defeats you

2010-07-10T23:36:00.003+08:00

Life has been interesting as i am experiencing a very ridiculous kind of cycle.

At first, i was beaten flat on the ground!

As time went by, again and again i encountered the similar situation.

Now, I am so immune to all the ridiculous matters that keep on popping in my life.

Feel like pulling out a gun and shoot the devil which is standing right in front of me now!

It has been defeated and yet it keep on whispering in my ears.

In my dream, it comes.

In my daily life, it comes.

I wouldn't bow down to you!

For me now, i would need some distance...away... too close for the devil to plot evil plans...else the heart bleeds again...

Let the blood cleanse my soul and renew me daily...

Let there be Holy Spirit singing instead of demonic whispers failing mind...

Advancing!!!!!!

2010-07-10T02:16:00.005+08:00

At the whisper of your call, your will be done.

Yet because of a single man, the world suffers the darkness of hell.

oceans will part, nations come, at the whisper of your call

hope will rise

glory shine, in my life, your will be done!

I know there are endless trials you have lined up for me. I slipped some times (most of the time)

I am forbidding myself to fall at the call of the satan.

For i am hanging loosely at the clive. i have no intention to climb up.

I have decided to let go, just a matter of time...

Inside of me, as always, i regretted my decision as i have betrayed the person who once have faith in me.

I see a path lighting up now. I don't know if it is a promised land.

For what it is, I am defintely heading to it!

I am advancing to another level!

Procrastination

2010-07-08T22:03:00.002+08:00

Procrastinated for more than half a year and i am still procrastinating.

Got advised (scolded) countless time by a friend of mine to keep on looking for better opportunities.

I went to pursue a dream in the sky and another opportunity just came.

Felt that it is an answer from the Father after hearing so much of my cries.

It is not only a dream but reality.

It would be a stepping stone for whatever goal i have in my mind.

I started from scratch and believe there is a way to work my way up.

Life happen in stages to bring us to levels.

I am looking forward this weekend!

Weekend are my DAYS!

Not only healing takes place, but having Someone to listen to me.

It is the time for renewal of relationship and cleansing to take place though it should be daily.

It is the time to experience the powerful touch.

Surrender everything so nothing will burden your heart.

Speak to me!

2010-06-17T23:42:00.004+08:00

Life is like a stage.

What do we want to see from it?

Drama.

Life is full of drama.

Everyday i open my eyes, I see drama.

In my dream i see drama.

It is full of actions.

I am the script writer, the songs composer, the stage director, the casting crew, the dresser, and musician, the make-up artiste, the stage cleaner, the curtain puller, the conductor. the accoustic team, the everything for a DRAMA.

It is full of drama and yet my dream is unachievable.

I am working at the capacity of a load truck but with an engine of Volkwagen.

I could barely move the truck, in the end, it doesn't move an inch.

All the energy has been drained till the last drop of his sweat.

Dropping on the floor. Seeing a light that is forever unreachable.

Can a voice please speak to me?

YOUR HOLY CALL

2010-06-03T23:39:00.003+08:00

When i was young you called for me to come to know You more.

I didn't understand Your Word but deep down in my heart i know You are alive.

As time went by, i back-slided from Your call.

I have lived an empty life until you sent somebody to me again to lead me back home to You.

You made a path that lead me to touch my heart again eventually i gave my heart to you.

It was not easy for me as I almost gave up on myself but You sent me angels again and lifted me up.

You made a way for me to arm myself before i step into the world.

I know, again, it was You, who provide me with all my needs. I can see You,again and again, doing miracles in front of my eyes. I know i was overflown with your grace.

Indeed there were a lot of times I turned my back against Your call. You are strong when i am weak and i desperately seek Your still voice in my heart for healing to take place. After that, i back-slided again from Your call.

I again almost gave up, but i still hear Your voice that calling my name.

I am so blessed.

I can hear Your voice so loud now.

You no longer a small still voice in me.

I heard Your call and I am preparing my life to be Your clay.

Allow You to mold me in Your way.

Thank you so much for sending me angels whenever I was back-sliding to save me.

I wanted to glorify Your name and I am thirsting for You.

Touch me and annoint me more.

Breathe into my life.

GRACE FROM THE OPENED HEAVEN WINDOWS

2010-05-28T01:50:00.003+08:00

I still remember how you saw me through the eyes of Your grace.

Your presence was so strong and the Words we had were delivering and promising.

It strengthen our faith and it opened our eyes to see Your glory.

Nations gathered to glorify Your name for You the Glory of Glory.

I'm kneeling at Your throne and pray that Lord you will use me to glorify your name.

I will lift Your name high for You are the The Father, my Lord.

Shine On Me

2010-05-26T00:54:00.003+08:00

I would not recognise what is tiredness with the passion flaming in my heart.

Endless days and night I spent to expect the best.

Passionate!

Joy or alive in what I am in!

Praying that the Lord will open more doors and shine more light if this is His will.

May You work out the miracle for what i have sowed.

May You breathe and give life to it.

Let what are in the third-dimension be controlled by Your whisper for You sits at the highest throne in the fourth-dimension.

Breathe into it so I will enjoy the fullness of Your grace.

When I'm down, I will look up to you for I know You'll stir my heart and do the healing that You promised us.

Lead me out of the wilderness and bring me to the promise land.

Your angels are watching over me. Should i fall, You will be there to held me up and provide me eternal living water and restore my energy.

I am believing and have faith that I will move on or i will prosper in what you have planned for me.

Decision made - a matter of time.

2010-05-23T00:52:00.002+08:00

Last week was a restoration and healing week. Words drawn every weak souls during altar call and healing took place.

Week after week i thought i was climbing higher and higher. I never realise that all i have done is not enough and im just exhausting myself; gaining nothing.

I tried to seek for new paths desperately but yet to find one. Every hopeful application are defeated by silence and gentle rejection.

I'm learning to surrender all, even the small little burdens to Him. I'm totally aware that my emotion is fully being controlled by the trouble that i face daily. it is affecting the people around me. i found it is litle disturbing for them.

Im sorry guys.

Apparently, I want a change and i have made my decision.

Just a matter of time.

Breathe on me and give me the life that i want!

It's not tough

2010-05-13T23:24:00.002+08:00

Alanic was never late only after a traumatic life experince that he has had few years back. After that he never punctual for everything.

Let's not get too deep into how and what happened.

Well, life is getting a little slower (motionless) and pointless sometimes.

The first thing that i wanted to do once i get into the office is to make myself a hot coffee and browse through the jobsheets that i have, which has been piling up and never get a return call from the people. I used to have a wooden rack that i will stuff every sheet of paper in it so i will know that everything is in it.

Nowadays with mountaining jobsheets which I have never heard from the people since 3-4 months back and increasing number of 'partners' flooding in in conjunction with the biggest event in town and made everyone had sleepless night or attending the phone for early morning drama, i definitely need a 'spring-cleaning' on my workstation.

My accounts has been complaining lately that our desk has been really messy and it affects the 'Feng Shui' of the office. Well, I always believe in tidiness but just that time does not allow me to tidy up as the drama is on-going for i have no time to breathe even for a second.

My day is really a long day. I will only call it a day when the clock close to midnight. What to worry about as tomorrow has its own drama which i never will anticipate for it.

The more i follow up on Grey's, the more i feel that i work like a surgeon. I need to help people survive either those who has a small wound needed to be bandaged or to cutting out the cancerous lumps that grown very closely to the fragile arteries wall, fearing that one wrong move will make it bleed profusely. It might be to an extent attending a patient with cardiac arrest situation, in the end the patient dies and helplessly i would leave it.

Everyday what I'm into is 'saving' people's lives.

Not every disease is curable, but as a 'surgeon' i am responsible to find ways and do my homework to deal with the situation.

14 hours/ day is not a tough in fact. =)

I'm still catching my Grey's Anatomy series after work though and I plan to go for weekend movie night and dinner with my friend.

Alive!

2010-05-11T23:41:00.003+08:00

Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are.

We laughed and might shared stories on our interests but things changed as time goes by.

Lately I felt I am slowly moving into my adulthood phase.

It was our sweet dream when we were young but it become our nightmare when we are in it (reality).

The more I am moving into the stage, the more and lesser time i have to figure out what is life all about.

I would rather listen to people than to talk. I have heard many life stories that i realised i am too engaged in it by taking it too personal.

I would always feel sorry that i am not able to help in certain situation.

The feeling is like seeing a person hanging loosely at a cliff and about to fall down yet i am not helping but decided to stand still and watch how he suffers.

Life is painful and too bloody and too dirty for us to play with.

Every day is a chapter that we write and keep on writing from the day we were born but we cant re-write the mistakes that we have done.

Guilt eating me up sometimes but i just don't give it a damn.

I did so many things that i can't even bothered if it were mistakes.

The way is too long in front.

I can't see but i keep on holding back the past that don't shape my future.

Give me a paint brush and colours so i would start to colour my world.

I dreamed dreams and now is time for me to realise it.

Reality is painful but maybe i need some painkiller to stop it.

The road is long enough and i couldn't let the pain bring me down.

Right now I am doing the right thing.

Now I walk in the light everyday though i have no idea what is in front.

After all, I only need sincere acquaintances along the way and get some life!

Somewhere

2010-05-05T23:54:00.004+08:00

Only this morning i realised that I could only find peace in you.

Your presence in my heart was so serene, and i didn't want you to leave.

It was a tragedy for me to know that it was only a dream.

It was unbearable.

I was seconds away before i could reach out my hand for yours.

The tenderness was what i longed for since the i last heard of you.

I could only feel I'm alive with you embracing me.

Hearing your tone, I know it was caring and it seems like a promise to me that you will be here.

It was a sudden change when it all became dust which memory i failed to recollect.

Deep down, it is still hurt. Silently. Lonely.

I know i would soon realise that the wait (now) is stupid.

All i could do is just keep on walking to my dreamland yet i'd still hope you would be waiting for me at the end of the road.

Somewhere.

My one desire, More of You

2010-05-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

Alanic didn't get to praise and worship enough this week. He wants more!

1 May 2010

Ps. Kong preached on 1 King 19 on Elijah.

2 May 2010

Darren gave me a verse Joshua 1:8 during CG meeting today.

We feel like God does not answer our prayer, but sometimes it is just too noisy in our mind. We just need to quiet down and hear the rhema from Him.

I have been so desperate for a change now. I'm searching but yet to find my path.

Having a little faith that breakthrough will come after this for He will provide and show me the way that He has planned.

I'm glad that I din't miss this week service and CG.

He is preparing me for the Rise and Build.

I have to keep on meditating and confess it.

I am longing for a change.

What if I'm in my 30s?

2010-04-28T23:41:00.008+08:00

They have changed too.

Alanic has been quite ambitious lately.

Lots of plan have been going on in his mind, but it is some kind hypocrisy to himself.

Security is still what he's hunting for.

It is really a fear for committing a crime when you have no idea it is a crime.

On the judgement day, he is all to be blamed.

He so wanted to walk out of this and have no link anymore in his life.

Alanic has been angry and frustrated with people sometimes that he is totally out of control on his feeling.

Things just came by so fast and he has no chance to stop and think what is happening.

All actions have to be immediate.

Should you nailed it, you are GRADE A.

Should you failed, that's it.

What if im in my 30s today?

What am i doing then?

The Best Is Yet To Come

2010-04-17T01:27:00.005+08:00

There were some truth lies behind what the fortune teller told me.

Patience is what I need most.

My mind just can't stop racing me questions and ideas but it were not brought out in a very constructive manner, thus it made me a loser.

The more i stand on this ground the more i feel that i belong to this world. I'm more daring to speak (i don't know if those words came out from my mouth were appropriate though).

People may keep on stabbing your back like nobody's business, but in the end they will need to face you again.

They will not give you face and make you the loser though they are the one who supposed to kneel down in front of you and kowtow three times if it's worth to do it for them to get what they want. They will put themselves above everybody and yet command you to obey their words, else you will face a consequences that a human mind could never thought off.

As a result, you have to kneel in front of them and kowtow three times and give them what they want and praise them for they are the ultimate 'hero' that we need to save us out of 'trouble'.

The cycle just goes on and on and no one knows when it's gonna stop.

Spring gives way to summer and falls gives way to winter.

Many of them do not know we are the 'team' that we need each other to survive.

Would you stab you own tongue with a knife should you have said the wrong words at the wrong time?

I need to implant the word 'PATIENCE' in my mind so I would always remember it.

The best is yet to come.

P/S: I had my most expensive dinner this evening and hope we can do it more frequent. slurp slurp.

My Utopia - Where, When, and How???

2010-04-11T23:13:00.003+08:00

God shutted the door. We felt that we can't move on. Let it go, don't dwell in the past for God will move you and bring you to another opened door that He has planned for you.

We felt the resentment inside of us thinking that we just can't move on.

God is a powerful God that we have to keep on have faith in Him because His words are sharper than any sword that can't be used in defeating satan which keep on getting in our way.

I have lifted up the sorrow unto Him that I felt He is working inside me.

The trouble seem lighter day by day.

Having faith in Him that what I am going through right now is to prepare me to walk through another aisle that leads me to wonderland.

Deep down inside me is shouting out to the world for me to make a change now. Dreaming of a day that it will promise me another phase of my life that i really wanted to be in.

I want to move on. I want to receive more.

I want so much more from Him.

Recently reading a memoir of the author on his experience as a foster child and behind the scene of his life story.

There were so many way i could relate myself to him.

Everybody wants achievements in their life and yet they are so blind of what they truly want in their life.

Some of them have been blurred by temporary satisfaction.

Some of them keep on playing the rat-race game in their 'career'.

Some of them talking with empty words for themselves do not understand what kind of words they are uttering.

For many of us out there in the real world, the future is so...confusing.

Up In The Air - Something Stupid

2010-04-08T01:16:00.003+08:00

I was slipped and dropped to the lowest point lately, but not for too long because I knew that my world has too many things awaiting for me. Crazy thoughts were in my head and of course it just stayed in there and I could never find a way to let it go.

It was too hard to explain myself, but eventually i did it where my heart almost jumped out from my chest, my breathing was heavy...my mind was nervous..my whole body was so lethargic...fed up with everything that has been topsy-turvy in the world!

I thought i couldn't make it this time round...my mind was so empty...staring blindly at the monitor everyday at work...

all i had was an answer which opened my world to a new beginning, though it was sad.

Aftermath, i just need to tilt my head up high to face the world again without any fear though it is fearful...

This evening i went to the Audi Fashion Week Casting Party 2010 at Clarke Quay. It was eye opening as i never been to this kind of event before. Saw my boys and girls there.

I have this feeling again how heavy my responsibility is to make them great, everyone of them.

I need to re-define my position as a manager.

I know 14 hours per day is totally abnormal for some, but i think the office above my workplace involving in video production work still smoking happily downstairs when i was leaving just now at 0040hrs.

Some of our clients were schocked when they know we are still in the office at 11pm.

This keeps our job going on...

By the end of week, my eye bag getting heavier and dark eye circle is panda-ing my eyes...

I think i need to sleep two days in a row to gain back my energy drained during the weekday everyweek.

Lately, i didn't even care to bathe when i was too tired from work and being emo at the same time.

I feel that sleep is more important than bathing...leave it for tomorrow.

good night!

我願意

2010-04-03T00:34:00.004+08:00

Sitting in the dark room where everybody was staring at the white screen laughing out loud, i just know that in me, it has been tough.

The song keeps on playing in my mind.

I prayed that i'll never need to go through it again, the third time, as it defeated my soul - walking everyday with a body where its soul has been defeated.

I tried to sleep during the journey but my head was filled with the melody singging out to me - 我願意

I tried to read my book, i tried to call my friend for a short chat hoped that it would be gone after that. I was wrong.

It paralyzed the inside of me.

It was like spears went through my heart over and over again.

My dream at night was the same dream that it will never come true, at least i know.

I would rather not to sleep and drained away all my energy so i would loss focus and some how the next hour i would be awake and start anew again.

I was wrong again.

I wanted to be fair always, but life has never been fair.

It has always been unfair when it comes to this - selfish.

Hoping i could rewind the the time and stop at that hour, forever.

Feeling the cool night breeze causing goosebumps on my arms where i was barely covering myself with only a singlet for my top.

Somewhat there was warmth.

I knew at that moment that i was still alive.

The world has once again keeping mum to herself.

It is time for all of us to move forward.

A step closer to what we supposed to head for, but also a step away from what we really wanted for our life that it wasn't meant to be, forever.

Traumatising.

Unable to breathe, unable to think sanely, all i know, i was defeated.

No more tears as all have been drained away already.

Praying the night sleep would erase the melodrama from my memory - forever.

It is painful at this moment.

Let it be gone - forever and never come to me again!

I surrender my life when it comes to a point i have no power to fight...

I lose the battle everytime...

That is just me - alanic (naive-loser)

Deep inside me i know i want to be the winner this time round where i will never regret for the rest of my life.

我怀念的

2010-03-30T23:19:00.006+08:00

March 2010 mark another historical moment in my life.

I was anticipating to go back to my uni, though it is not what kind of well-designed university with nice buildings and hi-tech facilities.

There were lots of things that most of us hated our uni especially when there were times we didn't have water supply, the buses were late, the lecturers were sucks, the birds in my residential hall, the food sucks too... (the list can go on and on)

No matter how we dislike the place, but we can't deny all the love we have to this place.

Many stories have been written in our life when we were here.

I tried to breathe in the air as much as i could (i know i was stupid to do that).

I don't want to miss a chance to taste the air as it is not the same outside in other places.

Tears filled my eyes as i was watching the sunset on sunday evening before i left the place carrying two boxes of desserts i bought.

A lot of things came back to me.

I think the words spoken was not enough.

I still remember i told myself i need to cherish every moment the first day i stepped in my uni.

Heavy academic workload has blurred my eyes from seeing clearly what was in front of me.

Without warning, the three years have just passed.

Looking at the sunset...i spoke to myself, i miss this place.

During my final semester of my studies, i went for tarot card fortune-telling..don't really believing into these things but what the lady told me was so true.

I was so afraid when it came true to me!

Many people can tell me to go ahead, but deep inside me...it just stops me.

Flight to Singapore was fast. The longer i was in the flight, more and more stories of my life being left behind.

I don't want to lose anything but life has been too fast.

I don't know how to tell you that i love you.

I know this is too fast, but im speaking out from my heart- I love you.

Self-actualisation

2010-03-17T00:47:00.004+08:00

This evening had a great after-work laugh at the girls apartment!

It is awesome that we can communicate though they don't speak good english.

Some are from Slovakia, Poland, Russia - European!

We speak with each other by using sign language as well!

Our sign languages are totally bizarre and catastrophic!

We laughed at each other so so much!

There is a quote from August magazine gave me a wake up call this evening.

"...what we do is so important, as though we're saving people's lives..."

I believe it is totally true by looking at what i do everyday, we are not only helping them to build their career, but also saving them from drowning in their debts.

There are too many advances provided to model, thus we are responsible to cover their debt and of course, building their portfolio strong with good editorial pictures!

Working at this place has given me an in-sight of the fashion world, but im not that fashionable in person though.

Got to know who Alexander McQueen was and he is dead now!

There is no chance for mistakes and no chance to move snail-like! Eveything that we do is to 'save' people!

There is one advantage working at this place is i can get free magazines every month! From so many men's magazines, i trully like August Man the most! =) Gosh, how cruel i am by stating there's only one advantage! =((( lol

It awes me everytime i flip through magazines' fashion spread.

Sometimes i like their bags, shoes, sneakers, shirt, pants, accessories...uhhh mama, it keeps on shouting at me to get them!!! i so wanna run to the shops an get those stuff!

However, im definitely getting something next month!

Despite saving for building funds, i must get something for myself! =)

There's a question keeps on distubing my mind - am i stable?

Please look at the diagram!

Starting from the bottom, i do have some of those biological needs already, but the heart is so greedy sometimes. wanted to take a shortcut to reach to the fifth level.

I think that this model is totally upside down!

In order to get biological needs (shelter, food, or sex), you will firstly need self actualisation!

Should you do not have personal growth, there's no career or success! if you are not successful, how can you build a happy family? Of course you are so lack of belongingness or love to the world! you will feel insecure of all the uncertainties in the world! resulting bad performances in job, in the end losing your job = MONEY, thus no cash for food and and rent!

No LIFE!

Very clearly, Self -actualisation is our goal in everything we do.

People aiming to take up CFA, ACCA, CPA, CFA, masters or doctorate is for personal growth!

Where are we heading now?

Our life still have around 40 years left over, but bear in mind, productivity is decreasing exponentially with age =)

Cheers!
Alanic

Changing

2010-03-15T00:40:00.003+08:00

(Definitely a must-watch)

People always resist from changing!

When there is a change, people may seem to wonder what's lined up in front that may possibly promising something.

Not every changes that comes in to our life promises something fruitful, as we expect in our life to be.

We are pretty confident on our plans, but somehow the hitch just stops you or your mind from getting anywhere...

You may think you will have everything in your life, but ultimately, a person has nothing in their life.

We try to live our life in a very repetitive and routine way of living.

We strive our life for getting a paycheck at the end of the month.

Soon you will realise, all is gone in paying bills and your rents.

People seem to get bored already of their life - the repetitive way of living.

Ultimately, the work is a means to achieve the ends.

How to live a 'harmonius' life by not having to have an inner-self battle every morning you wake up?

Put down the heavy backpack filled with commitments in life that you are trying so hard to fulfill all this while. Stretch out you muscles and do some exercises to train up your stamina.

Without realising, you soon on battle again with a rejuvenized spirit.

All we need to do is just simply changing!

Change sometimes isn't so bad afterall!

Change for good!

Are YOU changing?

Drowning

2010-03-13T23:14:00.003+08:00

Faith is an action!

Keep on proclaiming it, keep on visualising it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

My whole body is so exhausted

The mind keeps on quiting!

The mind keeps on persisting!

It just keeps on quiting!

Moving Life Backwards

2010-03-11T01:26:00.004+08:00

I have a rather weird thought deep down inside me lately.

What about starting our life from the day we die, going backward.

Imagine and try to fill our life with the life that we wanted to have enjoyed so we will have no regret on our dying day.

Do whatever bravely, taking up odd chances that others would never have done in their life.

Taking a challenge in our life. Should you succeed, you will have a colourful life.

Should you fail, there is still another chance that we can have to try other things as our young age would not be a barrier for us to pursue our dreams or doing things that beyond others' imagination!

Was thinking to pursue a higher level of education, but thinking of not having enough money.

Thus creating more money is the main concern.

Why not try to think of a way that could grow your income so you would be able to do what you have planned.

Whatever you do should not let it tarnish the relationships that you have with your loved ones.

From this quarter (or maybe lesser or more- God's grace) of my life i have walked pass, i have seen people walking in and walking (or running) out of my life.

The roller-coasters that i have ridden sometimes are not fun at all, but sometimes it was thrilling!

The road is still way ahead.

Should it be empty, fill it with music, with laughters, with self-explore challenges.

Criticisms will never fail you, but strengthen you mind.

Im still a tolddler in this mother nature.

Taking chances to climb to a higher ground to see the image of the world clearly.

Some area is dark, but some time i could see a city full of lights!

Every journey worth a memory.

A story worth to be re-told.

It is way too much trouble today.

Why should i even bother to look into tomorrow's trouble that has yet to emerge?

I would rather concern on what colour i should colour my world today! =)

Hidden

2010-03-11T00:34:00.006+08:00

The air is toxicated.

The air is poisonous!

Be hold!

The air is deadly!

The land is full of fatal nails.

With naked feet, the nails might just pierce deep into your flesh!

Should your eyes not watchful, you may hurt yourselves!

Roses are attrative, but if you not aware, the torns might hurt you!

Phantoms are around!

Evil mouths are behind your back!

Evil words polluting the air you are breathing!

Still water deceived your watchful mind, as underneath hidden an evil beast!

For this is not the maiden alert!

The war has begun, way so long since you realised, yet still rocking by lullaby!

The clean souls will be left flattened, naked and on the ground!

With bare arms, he is weak.

With strong hearts, it brings him nowhere.

Without strong mind, he's gona lose everything to the beasts which are longing for his fresh blood.

Their evil whispers slipping through their lips.

They are watching... you must be watchfull.

Had a BOOMZ Weekend!

2010-03-07T22:59:00.005+08:00

City Harvest Church - March 2011 onwards

(The purple rooftop building)

p/s: CHC will be the co-owner (not the sole-owner) of the consortium holding 80% of stake of the property.

This weekend marked the most exciting and eventful moment!

Good news followed by goodnews!

By taking part in building the House of God is truly the most amazing thing that i have done in my life!

Looking forward to give more than i pledged in my form!

All this while was really glad that i can help other people financially but this is not going to be the same as we are building the House of the Lord!!!

Everything is about to change!

Had Hui Ru prayed for me - hoping my thought would be replaced by Godly thought!

There are more things has lined up in my mind when i realised that there are more people who are needing some funds in their life more than me- spending in topshop, zara, bugis street, mcd, kfc, JB or going vacations!

I think everything need to be mapped out clearly so that no one is left out in God's plan!

Praise the lord!

I was totally overflown!

2010-03-05T23:18:00.007+08:00

it was like bullets piercing through my brain!

it just struck me like Zeus' lightning!

it was like a light bulb suddenly lighting up... 'TING!!!"

this vision has been lingering in my mind for quite some time, however im not so sure if it was only a day dreaming, until today it was so real and the whole mind suddenly was 100% directed to the subject that was came to me out of nowhere!

Maybe i had too much of coffee everyday, and today i had three in a row, i told my colleague that my mind cannot concentrate already while clearing up my work before i leave my office to meet friends for once-in-a-blue-moon dinner (it is really hard for me to catch up with them, with my irregular working hours and our different schedule timing). it was wholly because of the matter that made my mind keep on thinking.

it was like a cup overflown with water!

I think I was in an overflown condition just now receiving the vision!

It was a vision full of POWER enabling me to see it clearer, as if it is real in front of me or in other words, i was in the picture of my mind!

I hope it was the Mighty Hands that has touched me or i was to esctatic with overdosage of caffeine? i am not sure until now...

It was, and it is still very strong (at this moment)! - Overjoyed, HALLELUJAH!!!

================================================================

Speaking of this matter, it would need an in-depth projection!

It would need a proper study of the related subject matters.

It will need lots of hardwork and sacrificing weekends!

I think i would be able to do that!

I hope i will see more of the vision!

Saving For Prosperity!

2010-03-02T08:46:00.003+08:00

all-time favorite!!! (back in uni)

we called this 'kiam pia' in uni (english: salty crackers), though the salty crackers that i called back home is not this kind. It is a round crackers that sometime you can find it with peanut filling. fyi: 'kiam pia' may also represents another meaning!

Just had this crackers and my all-time favorite coffee in the morning.

Today is crazy, i woke up 7.30am in the morning for no reason heading to office super early.

Reading nasty emails!

On top of that, entertaining myself with my all-time favorite songs!

It has been almost 9 months since we were away from school.

Everybody lately seems like talking about their FUTURE.

Every meet up we had were full of their ideas on how to be rich and successful.

They plan for the future however along the way, there are too many temptations.

For me, it has all went to TOPSHOP! I'm stopping all this! lol

Has been giving out more and more because was impressed by the Arise and Build testimonies.

Everybody hoping/praying for financial blessings, but i am not really expecting it to come fast!

Well, how much we save depends on how much we spend!

At this moment, saving more money is priority!

Don't let the crackers and coffee picture mislead you as i am not portraying that this is the way to save money! It is unhealthy, though i did it like everyday with instant noodless for my meals back in uni.

HORRIBLE!

2010-02-24T23:03:00.005+08:00

me: Isn't study is enjoying?
Colleague: Miss the time ah, go back study la!

After today, bullet after bullet piercing through my heart, left me weak and astray the whole day.

EXPLODING!!!!!!!! KA BOOM!!!!

Those nasty people, wronging people for their own interest!

Have been youtubing this few night after work for some musical videos.

Missing my stage time...hahha

So wanted to run away! If i really do that, that proves me weak and my enemy will be nastier and proud of themselves!

They are the key person in the company, and i am not what-whosoever in their EYES!

Those who providing services must not always be on the very losing end and i disagreed on what he told me today that we are at the losing end!

This world is unfair i know. Even the earth is not rotating in a 0 degree, it tilts 23.5 degrees.

The north hemisphere and the south hemisphere will get different amount of sunlight in a particular time also.

I Dreamed A Dream

2010-02-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

This same song was sung by Susan Boyle on the stage where people was doubting if this woman can sing and she amazed the crowd and the world with her incredibly, bloody fantastic voice.

She was from a village and yet she is a star now!

I like every time Simon Cowell smiles...i know he likes it...and it is of the quality that he wants.

Pretty much amazed of what one of my friend has lined up for the future.

At my age, he is planning way ahead of me of getting a property.

That was a big slap to my face where i need to cut and cut my 'investments' in TOPMAN from today onwards.

I was glad to know that he has such a great plan and hopefully i can do more on my own!

I asked my colleague this evening if some one that is so into their work, aren't they have slaved themselves to the job they work for, or do we call this 'passion'?

I don't think i'm passionate enough in what i'm currently doing.

Maybe a change would spark a difference.

Since i came back from Ipoh, my mind is full of thoughts.

Am i going anywhere or would i go further with others?

I don't know if this is called dissatisfaction, or high expectation.

I need to be realistic...everyone has their own goal.

The fulfillment of the goal is called SUCCESS.

REUNION OF CNY 2010

2010-02-17T23:16:00.007+08:00

*the pics are not so good in quality as my camera is dead in low-light...

Classmates back in school

6AE 2005

always my favorite food (fried yong tau fu) whenever i go back to ipoh and i met this anak tauke, Yen Shan on the second day of CNY.

these yong tau fu are freshly fried and serve while it is still hot...juicy...yum yum!

i miss the open space in ipoh...not many tall buildings...HDBs...towers.

Tauge Chicken Feast!!!

Actually nothing is special with the delicacy and i don't know why the place so over-crowded evertime (everynight). During CNY, it is even worse...

the fatty, juicy tauge!

Meatballs

Juicy Chicken

New place to hang out in town! the price is something Ipoh folks might think a little expensive.
This place needs to get a better air-conditioner system...Ipoh is like a big oven...

I was looking for a table while waiting for Vannesa, suddenly Poh Poh (sitting left)..."pss..pss.."
Eh, i got a shock...never expect to see them there! =)

Earlier in the afternoon chat with Hah Lui in Jusco for about 4 hours...Catch up on the latest updates...talk on life matter...talk on jobs...

Then had a good nice chat with Vannesa the whole evening. Have been talking on many things. The conversation struck my mind and made me think if i should try my luck some where else instead of Singapore only...

REUNION!

2010-02-13T00:24:00.006+08:00

My new Bible

Some CNY decors in Bedok

Had a fantastic service!

A little gift from CHC =)

Vanessa's cookies were great! =)

Every CNY has been really dull as i wasn't celebrating for the three years when i was in university and never before that have any celebration...

The first year i spent working, and the following years i locked myself in my hostel room and facing my pc from day to night finishing my papers for submission and was preparing for exams.

At last, no more studies, which something i'm glad and missed the most at the same time...i am still struggling to find the true meaning of CNY celebration...

I miss my friends...I miss the free air i can breathe without thinking of anything...

The tiredness of my physical body i must overcome...though for that 2 days, i am looking forward for a reunion for this CNY.

This year is gona be a special one! =)

Happy CNY to all!

Twilight

2010-02-04T20:56:00.005+08:00

The period of the evening between daylight and darkness

YAHOO!!!

2010-02-03T22:52:00.006+08:00

Feel that i am experiencing a change in my life.

Getting used to the work timing and feel that i am lifeless during the weekday.

My new colleague feels that i enjoy my work a lot.

I was pretending not really, but in fact, i give my best in whatever im doing.

It is challenging during the day as in we are craking our head to help people.

We help in building the models career.

The more money they earn, the happier we are. =)

For those who really wanted it so much and yet not going anyway really break out heart.

We are sad that we couldn't help them, though we tried really hard.

Wanted to start out a strategic planning to work out something that really give a blast!

This month I am going to start financial planning.

It is not about saving only also setting a realistic goal to achieve something in the target period of time. i can't really see too far now. 5 years or 10 years??? NO.

The time that i'm looking right now is 1 year only.

I need to see myself more stable in terms of expenses and income.

I dont have skills to get employer to hire me.

All i have is a big fat mouth to talk and talk and talk.

That does not bring me anywhere.

The true life begins during the weekend.

Signed up for the Bible study class hoping to experience a complete break-through in life.

Everyday passes so so fast, as i am anticipating the weekend to come where i can have a breathe of living air.

I can't wait for another weekend that is approaching.

Booked my flights and i couldnt wait to go to the place that gives me the feeling i'm at home.

This might be the final time i am going back, maybe not.

Well, some thing has been stirring up in my mind lately.

A shadow of a person keeps on appearing in my mind.

Thinking if it was God's plan, or I am thinking too much.

Well, i need more sleep... i really need to sleep... 14 hours a day is no big deal =p

zzzzzzzzzzz

G'L'EE

2010-01-29T00:28:00.003+08:00

There were few nights during my night sleeps, the good old days back in university came back to me.

It was a very sweet dream.

I dreamed a dream that made me don't want to wake up.

Indeed, it was the BEST moment that all of us had in our life!

Nothing can compare the bondage that we had together.

It was the music of our life. The melody and harmony of each other blended harmoniously.

However, it will eventually come to an end.

The harsh reality is something that we tried to run away everyday.

By playing the memory that we kept in our memory, hope it will sing out a beautiful song and it will keep on replaying in our life til the end of our journey.

GLEE sings out what we wanting back in our life.

It is a great series to catch up with.

Every book has the last page.

We can always decide to go back to the first page and start all over again.

But how many times can we read all over again.

Every page was crafted with emotions and wonders that the bondage brought.

We shall take every moment seriously and truly appreciate what is in front of our very eyes.

It shall be gone without warning.

Tittititiitititiitititititiit...BOOMZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-22T00:12:00.004+08:00

(BLANK...)

paranoid, restless mind...cracking head on how to talk to people.

one second we are looking at option A...

another second they felt option B would be better...

A big no no to option A and B...can show me more of your option C, D, and E???
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
not a good idea to have this situation going on.

my account bleeding every month!

it looks really, really bad...

i will keep waiting for the light...

sometimes puzzled if the points were able to put across or the other party's channel is not in line to what was said...perhaps slow, VERY SLOW in digesting information...

wonder if this is the way that should keep heading to...

i got no time to read, no time to sleep, no time to put my mind to rest though in sleep!

mind is always full of thoughts running wild.

always attacked by dark shadows that eat up my sanity.

always think if my decision is the correct decision as it will be judged out of nowhere sometimes.

Got some good news today!

I would be able to join the sunday meeting, but only if i committed enough!

I need to rest my mind...

Good night sleep is not enough...i never have good night sleep by the way...

2010 Resolution: Humanity

2010-01-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

This picture was downloaded from the owner's site without permission.

(I felt there was a touch of humanity and love thus used this picture to share a few words)

Date: 26 DEC 2007, Doi Saket (Chiang Mai)

Dreaming of the moment to be kept for future for human to live with love, Sun, Nature without anything materialistic stuffs.When I visited them for the first time.. Since then many have grown up a lot.. And many young babies have joined.. (It is sad that many of their parents killed each other due to confusion by Drugs.. Some children have seen their parents killing each others.. So that some lost their words.. Can't speak anymore.. Life is so cruel. THey are so innocent and pure.. Why we human is so selfish? How to sustain the whole world if we think of ourselves only...I wonder a lot these days.. ) And I regret so much about my life and what I have done in past.. Drinking, Partying, buying like mad.. Just looking for my material satisfaction... Sex, Money, Status and so on... Endless.. More sex, More party, more champaigne, more clothes, More trunks... Really shameful... And I really thought if I am deserved to life any longer... I have been taking advantage of my fortunate life.. I will try to born newly from now on. And my next mission is to buy land for them in 2008. Currently they are renting from government. We worry if the government take back the land for any commercial usage. Then all kids will lose their homes again... I am thinking to have some charity dinner or something to raise money for them..

If anyone can kindly assist me for this project, It will be very much appreciated!!

Children are so gorgeous!! I seriously can't believe that they do not have anyone to rely on in this world! I am so old.. But still so weak and always try to look for someone or something to rely on... Their smiles always give me a lot of hope and a lot of inspiration for me to live well as a human. Not by materialistic wants but for some simple life and simple reason which is Love.. For last one and half year, They have kept teaching me and scolding me... I will try to change myself to be more considerate and moderate.. Be simple and be humble... Ha ha ha.. You know what I mean? So please remind me if I behave too much again! OK?

They take care pigs, chickens, Cows and all by themselves.. Each boy and girl has own role to do every morning 5am before they go to school.. Cooking, Washing clothes, feeding animals, taking care of fields for vegetables... I myself never even cook for my breakfast.. Always wake up late and just go to work... Take taxi and complain... Shamless...Useless...

They know how to kill pigs.. It is very cruel but we human have been doing killing all animals for our everyday life. I only do not kill by myself but I eat everyday some animals... Sometime i never appreciate all those life in my everyday life. Because I forget there was a life of each food. even eggs, chikens, pork and beefs.. Even all vegetables got life. We are having those precious life everyday for our meals.. This was the first time I really thank lives in this world. And I have been trying not to abuse and take granted. Small portion or just enough portion is good enough for my life...

P/S: I have never dealt with this person before but his name roars everytime when we deal with his staffs. Everybody in the industry know who he is. I truly understand that we learn different things from different people. There are so much for me to learn, the bright and the dark of the world. World civilisation is not about art, architectures, manuscripts, money,economics,development, history, cultures, languages, but it is all about HUMAN!

Humanity is something that we do, we manifest, we thought of with an underlying action for the good of human race in perpetual.

2010 Resolution - Got Money Got Talk!!!

2010-01-01T04:14:00.003+08:00

Close eyes, open eyes (a blink of eyes)

10 years since the Y2K.

Backed in 1999, Dec 31. Top management and executive were in headquarters or offices to monitor their data as everyone was afraid of the Y2K bug attacking the global cyber system.

It never happened.

Look back it has been ten years already.

How much development had Malaysia brought up?

How much the living standard of Malaysian has been raised?

What have we done in the past 10 years?

10 always relates to the phrase- Perfect 10!

What are the 10 commandments in the Bible.

How do you see yourselves in 10 years time?

How many 10-years do we still have?

Coming to this, as average man, i think we would still have another 3 10-years (if lucky).

Maybe about 2, where the last 10-years i don't see myself productive.

I could, provided the first 10-years I'm going through from 1 Jan 2010 i have accumulate enough funds that i need for periodical investments and retirement.

Money does grow, it depends on many ways how we grow it.

How much you save depends on how much you spend.

What is my resolution for the coming 10 years?

MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as the old saying goes, NO MONEY NO TALK!

Is there anyone out there thinking other thing is more important than money?

Relationships?

Love?

Family?

Friends?

Health?

I would pray for peace of mind, heart, and a blessings of good health.

That's all i wish!

Of course with money la!

Got money, got talk!!!!

Happy New Year Eveyone!!! =)

RANDOM SHOUT OUT!!!

2009-12-29T23:36:00.003+08:00

Alanic status has been quite interesting.

Come, let's check out. =)

1) Slow
2) Slow
3) Slow

Interesting right?

NO??? never mind...

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1) Forgetful. Got some important tips

TIPS!!! - Eat high protein food. Your brain needs protein to funtion well.

2) Need a green light.
- at traffic light to cross the road, you need to press the button for green light, and not wait it to turn green.

3) my situation is different, so don't compare!
- they have face-to-face guidance where i need to wait for phone calls, whereby being told it cost few hundread dollars. that makes me stress!!!

4) need a more systematic environment
- need to spend more time to do filing and do my own SOP when jobs come in.
- i have decided to work out my figure, waste my time waiting and waiting.

5) i need to sleep more in weekend.
- 12 hours/ day maybe...

6) Need to look for a back up perhaps.... should i?

ACS 5B Batch of 2003

2009-12-24T00:00:00.006+08:00

ACS IPOH 5B Batch 2003

(standing from left to right: wengfoong @ rongfoong, boonleong @ taufu, swee sum @ fei sum, yew fong@ jihad, yee soon,kon lim, gideon, wai kit, soon wen@ hor fun)

(sitting from left to right: tze san @ lizard @ ah lee @ ALI, wai mun, koi kit, chee fung)

The best moment i ever had was back in secondary school. All the fame was back in secondary school. Excel in competitions and some how in academics too: champion, runner up, second runner up...Well...afterall I'm glad i have been through those years. =)

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Primary:

I was thinking what was the use of studying as i didn't even know how to do my primary science paper 2 where we were required to answer in written form...not MCQ. i was so rebellious back in primary 2-3.i don't even dare to mention it....well, rili paiseh and don't want to shock you guys...found my 'passion' singing in choir when i was in primary 6. at that time we sung in Ipoh City Hall for the Sultan of Perak. but our voice were pre-recorded in RTM studio days before to prevent us singing out of tune.Michelle Yeoh came to my school as VIP for the computer lab opening ceremony. graduated from primary with 3B and 2C in UPSR. for chinese school UPSR is like something bigger than whatever university examinations as it will determine if they can go to secondary 1 or stay back for transition classes for 1 year. FORTUNATELY, mine was a national school and i straight went to my secondary 1.

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Secondary:

I did not know how to do fractions in my math! my english was like shit...my malay was not good.my science was more than F grade. i was in the last class and the Malay language teacher named me as TM - tarzan malaysia as she heard my voice laughing and talk. Well, she was exaggerated. the staff room was just opposite my class and from there she could hear the whole class, even though we were whispering. Well, it was a great experience...Being so naughty. Started my ladder of fame - fame for myself only -perasan! joined the uniform body st. john and was a very active member. attending camps and courses and competition. secondary 1 was the turning point of my life. Got to know 2 people that have changed my perception as my named was tarzan (sakai)...so i could see the world from their point of view.

I started to wonder...why he can do well in studies and they were like memorising the whole history book and they could do maths so well. at that time i didn't even know what a reference book and module exercises were...back then we were using SASBADI (secondary 1-3).from them i realised that i need to study. there was once during the assembly and one of my school mate, benjamin, he fell on the ground and broke his arm at Horley Hall by playing chock-slam learned from the then famous show...WWF!as a member of st john then...the first-aider...i was there to bandage his arm with the rest of my senior before sending him to hospital. later of the year was chosen to be one of the team member of the competition team representing my school...i was a substitute then. =(

Came secondary 2!!!! Results was not so good, but i saw there was improvement. I spent the whole night studying my science which i have never studied, one day before my final and i score around like 70% and it was a B...i never had a B before for goodness sake... on saturday we filled our time by attending tranings under st john and after that we will go to the swimming pool to continue our training as life guard. some saturdays in between we will attend our junior librarian meetings with our higher secondary seniors. we will have our duty days during the weekday before our afternoon school session starts.oh ya...tae kwando during saturday evening and sunday morning with weng foong.but it was only for a year...got a yellow belt and joined 1 time for pattern competition and sparing...LOST la!!!!

secondary 3 came...with my then best friends we started a competition team trained by a senior in secondary 3. we were very serious though some time what we say might kill my senior...hahha...WOW, unexpectedly champion for first aid long case and runner up for marching competition in year 2000!! we tried our luck again the following year...but we only managed to get second runner up in marching in the states. when were we were not practising, on wednesday we will go to Ipoh parade to play bowling under the school accounts. cheaper!

At the same time me and my two best friends joined the school choir and we were so into it. We went for rehearsal everyday after school at the same time juggling with our competition and studies and playing play station (dance dance revolution by three of us and a few of RPG game by weng foong. at waikit's house.). Our choir team only managed to get second runner up.it was sad...but indeed other teams were greater... PRM result was great 6A 1B (Kemahiran Hidup--this subject really suck up)...used to study midnight till early morning and go to school then. it resulted me to be so fresh at night and so deadly in the morning nowadays...

Our spirit in choir kept burning but our st john spirit kept going down...we were no longer in librarian as everyone try to focus more on studies when were in secondary 4.

In secondary 4, was having difficulties in additional maths and physics...it was atrocious!!!!my english never improve then...choir in second runner up again...my result for PMR was not good enough to get me into first class...had to work harder!!!!

Secondary 5, at last...i have climbed to the highest point (english still sucks)...i had doubt in myself if i can perform as good as the others...it was so stressfull...joined the school malay language debate team (2 chinese and 1 indian) and got champion in the district and consecutively 5 times best speaker for the whole competition.i need to thank my malay language tuition teacher and the coach of the team. I have improved my malay language like few hundread percent from my original level (english never improve)...i was so happy where our team and my classmate shared happiness together though our team lost during the states level. before the SPM examination, we got so many tips coming from everywhere from different schools...it was so ridiculous and it did came out in exam...it was so accurate for chemistry, biology, and physics paper...well, though no straight As...it was merely 2A1 5A2 and 2B3 (physics and add maths -KANASAI!!!)...in fact i don't deserve the results as it was all because of we have the tips...

Everbody in my class were aiming to score straight A1...most of them did...everybody studied very hard because that was the only chance to apply for government-sponsor scholarships to study medicine...engineering...not my aim..hahha...had thought of pursuing a law degree..a medicine degree in forensic... after i knew we need to study 4 dictionary-like text book for history, i have give my law degree dream a miss...thought of going into forensic field...so got into Biology class in Form 6 but eventually i ended up in business stream when in uni major in finance. i was never a valedictorian in academics too bad...hahhaa

Wow...so fast...i came to an end of my secondary school. i don't know what more to say...the attached pictures has brought back the old memories that we all have. where i am? i was the one taking picture! =)

Hope everyone have a great christmas and new year celebration ahead!!!

Looking forward to catch up with old mates during CNY!

P/S: this is a random write-up from the previous walk of my life. =)

Puppet

2009-12-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

Has been down with lethargic body and over-used mind.

I really don't know how i should move. Since we are a puppet which move by instruction, how can we think or decide what we should do the next step? So tired being on this ground.

Well, another one is leaving...

I am going to be even worse.

To stand up strong is not for me to choose.

I think i need a good weekend sleep not to bother about anything.

2009-12-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

I like it rains when i am sheltered!

It makes me so secured.

I am alone now.

So tired now.

Work piling up.

So quiet now.

Ssshhhh...let him sleep....

kanasai!

2009-12-09T23:40:00.002+08:00

i don't mind staying day and night for it, but just some appreaciation is really much appreaciated.

well, the effective system that we always wanted would not be realised.

slow in information and slow in action and productivity is low!

INEFFCIENCIES!

all these that we have blamed on has hit us back today.

was i talking too much?

well, wait the time to come but i will look for back-up.

back-up?

people are talking about GOAL!

what do you have? Hopping here and there?

people are talking career advancement.

what do you have? just some odd-job experiences?

be realistic. be skillful. be resourceful!

12am Life Daily - 7 Days A Week - 14 Hours A Day

2009-11-25T01:11:00.003+08:00

Has been running really wild past two months and now slowing down.

Is that a good sign?

Cantonese saying: when you stop your hand, you stop your mouth. (stop working, nothing for food).

This applies to all.

Stressed, scolded, irritated, disgusted,mind-blown, tired, fakeness, bitchy-ness, baby-sitting and the list goes on and on...

This is how it goes in the world.

Shut up and stop complaining.

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I need to move faster and have think sharply and street-smart. After all im not so street smart.

He told me we need more 'xiao chong ming' and to use our charm.

This whole week has been so empty and...EMPTY! hah!

Paper work is piling up my and have lost a good mentor!

It was unorganized, and now even worst!

Having the 12am life most of the working day.

Before i call it a day,my mind would already have stopped thinking.

Mistakes over mistakes is really unbearable and there was a deep shit is happening and we don't know how to resolve yet.

Really need a good system to have a good flow of work.

So centralised causing decision-making so inefficient.

Every penny is money.

Is it better to be negative and die-die (typical singaporean daily words) follow the so called "SOP" which is most of the time ridiculous for all - even to ourselves?

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We are creating our own 'policy'. most of the time we need to.

Some one need to stand out to direct the team.

To assist in the decision making.

We are half a day slower most of the time.

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i think it would be enough if we go for 7 days a week.

14 hours/day.

can i have more money? =(

Stupidest Ever!!!!

2009-11-20T00:27:00.004+08:00

(outside office)

(Back in early October 2009)

Was hurrying down the road to take a bus to Chinatown photo printing shop.

Popped up a Punjabi guy smiling and smizing in front of me saying "very lucky face" (with a Punjabi accent). I said "Sorry?". He said the same thing to me "Very lucky face." Smiling and smizing. I was thinking "what is this? another scam?"

He granted me some cards listed some, around 10 plus wishes asking me to choose 3 wishes.

I could barely remember,

1) peace of mind
2) peace of don't know what...
3) something like good health

of course, the list also offered me 'rich' and luxurious options.

all i need is to be happy, peace in my life, good health.

gave him my so-called lucky number and he did some 'calculations'.

he was telling me some stuff which i think he would ask me money and he did.

Asking for some 'donations'

i gave him. $20-30++..

He told me i have 3 good news in november and he also told me the bad habits i have.

The bad habits

1) worrying too much
2) skipping temple!

Oh my gosh!!!!!

I couldn't accept that he told me i have been skipping temple which is church!!!

When he told me this i felt into his 'trap'.

I felt so guilty!

I paid him some $20-30 earlier yet he asked for more saying he needed it to do some prayer and buy some coconut for the prayer.

Well, i did pay him around $10+.

He demanded more.

I had a feeling that he was 'real'.

this time round i did not pay him in dollar instead i gave him some ringgit around Rm20-30 just to cover his living.

i said i got no more money. then he accepted it and after paying him, he left down the street.

I felt so stupid and i wondered that was the stupidest thing i have ever done in my life!

Things started to happen lately. so far two stuffs i think quite true!

1) first good news related to heavier obligation
2) second one i think which was a chance to get back my money to whom i have borrowed by knowing that the person still alive!
3) ........... (unknown yet)

Good news?

how did he know that i was skipping the temple?

Equation and Solution!

2009-11-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

people's people

it has never been this stressful before.

my mind would cramp and would hang for a moment.

I need to get my F5 button to refresh my mind for a second to retrieve the information needed.

Those who can really survive in this everyday-a-new-day would be much more stronger.

The pressure comes from three way!

Let us get to know some formula:

Pressure= Force/ Area

* since the pressure is from three ways thus : 3 X F= 3F

* thus,
Pressure = 3Force/ Area

* Assume Area= capability of one to handle stress is constant.

Thus you can see how much the pressure varies according to the magnitude of Force where Area is supposed to be constant.

In addition, Force is a variable. This resulting the unit of pressure is INFINITE!

--------------------------------end of formula illustration---------------------------------------

Well, every cloud has a silver lining.

First of all, i have never thought that i would get myself to be in it.

Under no option i have chosen this option.

This is where people from all walks of life is coming your way and your duty is to PLEASED THEM at the same time locking sales to protect the company's interest.

the main objective of business = increase shareholder (s)' wealth.

At the same time there are a lot of undocumented dos and don'ts that you need to know so that you won't burn your ass.

Need to be people's people. Need to talk wisely so as to please people at the same time giving them a tight slap!

This is the time to dive in this pool and swim as hard as possible so i won't drown.

Breathe in...

1, 2, 3

JUMP!!!

WE THE RAKYAT LA!

2009-11-08T00:55:00.003+08:00

Was browsing JasonGan's blog and found there was a link to Tony Fernandes blog page.

This is indeed a successful company. I always like to see something that starts from zero to hero. DRAMA!

Scrolling down the page and came to Yasmin Ahmad Tribute page of the blog.

A video that has been on youtube for quite sometime produced by Malaysian celebrities.

'HERE IN MY HOME'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This time round i watched it again.

The lyrics gave me some warmth that i would never get from here.

"We the rakyat la" gave me a sense of belonging that i never appreciate before this.

I used to lead the school in singing national anthem every Monday back in secondary school, yet i did not show my patriotism as now i would feel towards Singapore.

I was thinking if I were Singaporean, I would love Singapore more and even more. How stupid.

I didn't realise that my country is my real HOME until i watch the video again though i have watched many time before this.

I don't know how to explain my stupidity to you guys.

We should put OUR energy to work and not fight.

Eventually the Rakyat would be the victim.

We need a promising constitution and body to work under it!

Satu Suara Satu Malaysia!

Sehati dan Sejiwa!

ACADEMIC

2009-11-06T01:35:00.005+08:00

Just busying kacau-ing people on msn, suddenly my old friend (not too old) popped-up and asked me some microeconomics question.

I went totally blank and have no idea what it was!

TING TING!!!! (bulb lighted up)

WIKIPEDIA!!!!!

Well, i didn't know that wikipedia is not recognised by academician in Singapore, well, i think the rest of the world. it is some kind of free to self-express guided by some materials or personal opinion, where the information is yet to be proved correct according to existing theories or laws in whatever fields of studies.

We (the local uni undergraduates) have been using the wikipedia as our main reference and misuse it at the same time by copy-and-paste the information in this portal to our papers.

Well, back to my friend's question.

The first source i thought of was wikipedia (AGAIN???!!!) and i got some insight of what the question is asking with some clue given by my friend.

Economics is so full of ASSUMPTIONS!!! again and again...i didn't really understand how to answer the question in an intellectual way. In the first place, i didn't really studied during my uni period.the lessons was so brief and too many things to know.so little time- 14 weeks!)

by refering to some 'academic material' (wikipedia) in order to help my friend, i so wanted to go back to study (running away from the truth- work life!)

i was not good in study and i was never a valedictorian. just throwing myself in academic filed is gona take my life way.

I am trying to hold on and don't wana let go unless im being kicked out.lol

Still looking forward to get a real stable situation over here.

I hope i am free to explore which ever field that i wanted to try.

I think should manage my financial matter WISELY.

Have to have a healthier income statement.

Two Become One

2009-11-05T23:31:00.008+08:00

It was disturbing.

down the road i couldn't see.

up the hill is so high.

so near yet so far.

does the world always defined in black and white.

where is the beauty of rainbow?

where is the melody and symphony?

where is the true love?

im still searching for all these...

DAMN IT!!!

2009-11-03T22:18:00.002+08:00

What do you enjoy the most when you listen to songs?

The singers melodious yet powerful vocal or the instruments backing up the singer?

I don't know. I would always go for both.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have been thinking again.

how can such a great and multi-tasking individual can just leave?

i don't know if to a better future, or it was too frustrated.

not for me to justify.

all i could do is my best to cover my own ass.

more and more to do and to polish my skills ( i am getting worst and worst for no reason -memory)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

all i would always loved to listen to is melancholic music.

it goes to the lowest point and promises some empty hope, in the end the ending point is so damn low.

ups and downs.

what can you see???

OUR LIFE!

Half of our life is gone now. shit...damn scary...what should we do??

work work and work???!!!

DAMN IT!!!

Dirty Game - Play It Dirty

2009-10-27T22:33:00.002+08:00

WTF and WTH would be a norm in everyone's daily conversation.

I'm gona play it rough and dirty.

No face to give others.

Worst come to worst, this is dirty already...who are you to complain that i'm dirty in this game?

You are not even in the position to say a word on me 'cos you are as dirty as me.

what is not dirty? even money is also dirty.

don't you think so???

Not my LIFE

2009-10-26T23:27:00.003+08:00

gosh!

I really couldn't imagine how time flies.

from 10am...3pm...7pm...10pm..

i don't feel it.

at last everything is settled and i am no more illegal.

it has been a long long LONG month though it has been exactly for 60 days.

I won't forget this 60-DAYS...

Check List

i) Medical Check Up (CHECKED)
ii) Medical Insurance Coverage (CHECKED)
iii) Workmen Injury Compensation (CHECKED)
iv) Issuance of S-Pass (CHECKED)
v) Boss not firing me (NOT CHECKED)

After all, this is only a job. NOT MY LIFE!

Running wild this weekend!!!

Expecting Bak Kut Teh Trip in Nov...lol

Well, i don't think i dare eat after i saw that stupid video.

Hallelujah for the whole damn week!!!

the word, IRRESPONSIBLE

2009-10-25T22:14:00.003+08:00

i shall never give up on myself.

this is the highest point that i have pressed myself to go.

never before i have reached this limit.

now i am responsible for other people, not myself anymore.

the word IRRESPONSIBLE really brought me down.

as if the world is pointing to you and BLAME you for all you have been.

the hard work which doesn't guarantee the result wanted.

the expectation is damn blur.

I don't know how to position myself.

I don't know if the step i take is the appropriate way which was expected.

the word IRRESPONSIBLE is ringing in my ear every second.

the word IRRESPONSIBLE is pushing me beyond to where i have been

the word IRRESPONSIBLE has made me so small

the word IRRESPONSIBLE made me live in fear

the word IRRESPONSIBLE put me restless everyday

the word IRRESPONSIBLE downgraded my capability

still, the word IRRESPONSIBLE is ringing in my ear

IRRESPONSIBLE

2009-10-24T01:40:00.002+08:00

it is time to say good morning...but due overusage of brain and overdosage of caffeine, i am very very tired yet i could not sleep.

few more hours of sleep before im dozing off with another cup of caffeine rich drink.

i think there is some way to escape this paranoia condition.

Just do everything in the way that we feel it is right. well, im thinking about the undefined policy.

suddenly im thinking if this is call 'street smart'. you could be street smart if you are acting on your own and for your own interest. however, you are so paralysed should you be responsible for the organizations interest yet it is so undefined your role. your street smart wouldn't be so smart after all.

well, even when we were in school we were taught about DISCIPLINE! Why cant these people, whom are working adult understand their position and be responsible and be discipline?

still finding a book to read to fill my mind with something.

so tired. thinking to change and wana take some action!

AGAIN!!! the procedures needed to follow on.

have to consider working day. have to prepare black and white...calling to ICA and MOM has given me enough headache. so unhelpful. was talking to few staffs before this over the phone from ICA and MOM. i know if i ask few more questions, they are going to blown up! ka BOOMMM!!! their tone has changed as if im asking too many questions.

afterall, who so free going to complaint by going thro the working-days and black and white procedures? i think the ICA and MOM staff wont give it a damn also.

People Blames!

2009-10-24T00:53:00.004+08:00

headache the whole week.

the worst of all weeks that have been?

People blaming you for not fulfilling their low budget.

People blaming you for not knowing what to do, where you were not informed the procedures.

People blaming you for not being firm with people.

People blaming you for not being gentle with people.

People blaming you for not acting in the best interest of the company where the policy is not well-defined.

People blaming you because you trying to act in the best interest of the company.

People blaming you for not able to act in the best interest of the people because it is so not organised.

People blaming you for not knowing the reason.

People blaming you for rushing them to be on time.

People blaming you for following company's policy.

People blaming you for not taking charge of our own people.

People blaming you for ugly people.

People blaming you yet we were not trained and briefed.

People blaming you for everything.

OH OH OH BALIK KAMPUNG

2009-10-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

oh my gosh!!!! I need my card reader!!!!!!!!

stupid shops and busy busy schedule!!!!!

have been feeling today is only monday.

apparently time flies...tomorrow thursday...and friday is approaching in no time...

another weekend emerging!!!

Well, this weekend is so IMPORTANT!

Another decision need to be made.

the obligations i need to consider...the journey that i would continue after this weekend.

trying the very best now.

bosses are happy if we are giving 100% to our job...but they want more!!!!

150% or 200%!!!!

learning new things and gain experience? this is what that matters.

Are you going to tell people that when you are 25 to 30 years that you are coming out to learn new things and gain experience?

All this while, what do i have?

Sales experience (s)????

What other things i can do???

sleep...bullshitting...eat...(what else???)

turning point or just a checkpoint???

4Rs

2009-10-11T13:29:00.004+08:00

Lately was running errand for work stuff and personal stuff.

Work is always new everyday though the methodology is almost the same, yet my mind still can't contain the stuff i'm supposed to get it under my fingertips. FORGET, FORGET and FORGET!!!

Asked for methods to improve my memory, or at least i wont forget the to-do-list. There were a few. Have tried...results? ok la...

Would like to meet my friends for dinner everyday, but we are too far. By the time i reached, it would be late. I would need time to travel back my place. I would call it a day by 12am.

I need to be prepared early, EVERYDAY!

Be prepared to face the day. Sometimes i feel that i'm in a paranoid state.

Have to execute the 4R Alanic principles. Recollect-Redefine-Restructure-Reorganise

It takes time to execute at the same time juggling with the never-ending phone calls and emails.

In fact, from my friend's experience, this is the nature of it.

Spent till a hole in my pocket last month because it has been quite some time i need to get this gadget for my developing interest. Has been shooting a lot.

Need to master the skills of balancing the lighting, angle, colour, and everything to produce a nice shot. HELLO!!! this is no watever DSLR. Just a normal t90.

I would like to learn on the basic before jumping to another level, which is the dslr for beginner.

The reasons i don't want to get a dslr was due to its bulky-size. I don't want to carry it everyday (without knowing when I need to use it) in my bag. With this slim and pocket-size cam, I can easily slide it inside my skinny pocket and take it out when i need it. ( I did some research and asked the professional people-even read it from Kenny Sia)

OKOK...ignore me...after all, for convenience sake lor...i don't want to look like a sakai hanging a dslr around my neck without knowing how to operate. as if I am going to drive F1 cars while im not so good in driving. (kiasu)

Has been walking around town with a few of my uum friends. Enjoying the skyline of Singapore. Enjoying the night view of Singapore. I hope they could see the stuff going on like i was brought around by my friends when i first came here. Needed some sacrifice. WALK, WALK and WALK!

Ultimately, five-day week is long enough before i could feel again the holy breath.

(Pics coming soon!)

Midnight Whisper

2009-09-28T01:33:00.004+08:00

Rolled and curled up in the bed in the 18 degree Celsius room. Covered with the dark blue comforter. My mind was fresh. Thanks to the 3 hours sleep in this afternoon. Can't think of any plans, well, ended up in the bed.

Had a BIG bowl of laksa with a friend, but by midnight, my stomach was crying for food.

Always the emergency food, instant noodle. Maggi curry with an egg.

It was too boring to eat without watching TV. Channel 8 had a wonderful movie, but i only managed to catch the almost ending part of the movie.

A group of 1950s young teenage children. From their attire, could notice they were under the English education. A love story. A young boy and a young girl.

So sweet. =)

One of my friend is getting married. Had his wedding dinner today. Think he is drunk like dead cat when I'm writing this. (Correct ah Raymond???waiting for your update hor =))

Sipping my hot chocolate after my noodle. Think is almost time for me to jump to my bed...before the DAY starts.

So anxious waiting for the day to come. Queuing in lines according to the alphabetical order. Marching in to the great hall with the band working on their instruments to welcome the graduates. Marching in with the blue robe with a white lining on it.

Ohh my..what will happen then???

Still need to work out some plans for the whole 3 days trip.

MOM!

2009-09-26T14:52:00.002+08:00

WOW!!! I was in the office on Tuesday after the raya weekend break, and today is saturday. What have i done from Wednesday to Friday???

As if the three days has gone to nowhere.

Been a big spender this month.

Damn it! Account is heading south.

Still waiting for an answer. I want a little bit of assurance.

I'm running in wilderness.

No other thing i could do, except waiting.

Worst come to worst...balik kampung!!!

Thus enjoy to the MAX this month.

Who Moved My Cheese???

2009-09-12T23:24:00.002+08:00

day by day...people wanted to know what my feeling is towards the things im doing right now. i like it. i would sacrifice my time. However, all this giving me a feeling that though we work hard, the return might not be the same. Read Who Moved My Cheese today and thinking it was a brief one. The moral of the story was, simple- Do not be afraid of change!

I was and always have. Everyday full of worries. We don't need that. Fearing i made a mistake in clearing schedule. Fearing people don't get their schedules. Fearing a lot of things that not supposed to fear of.

The path I'm taking now give me a sense of security. This is in material terms, the dollar!

There are too many stuff that we have ignored in life. We realised but we just don't give it a damn!

Regrets accumulating day by day. Fearing when the day comes, I am the one being left alone- remembering the first become last and last become first principle.

so many literature has been written and was jotted down since 2000+ years ago. all we really need to do is to give an honour.

this is truly a blessing, which i believe whatever i'm going through right now has been planned so well, and there is no mistake from the way i was supposed to be. I am truly stupid for letting small matters to break the bondage, again and again- all done by myself.

if it were to justify, im the one who will bear the responsibility solely!

regret is eating away the bondage. day by day it is getting weaker by the stupid thinking that our mind ignited.

all i need to do is to get myself busier by doing more of the work-the work for eternity!

everyday we are doing more and more, disappointing the Almighty.

there are too many things to take care especially human. people are smart. sometime we are so trapped in our own world as if the whole world operates within the boundaries of our knowledge.

making the world a better place? if so, the rocket missiles wouldn't be blasting the innocent lands.

people are too complicated. we would rather be the one listening, rather than the one speaking.

every pitch created supposed to praise the almighty, somehow, swearing and vulgarity are enriching our conversations.

lately i'm not thinking and i think that is not a good sign. i become stupid. i realised i am changing to another person. i realised im so different from the one i used to be few years back. to good or bad, i'm not sure at all.

everyday just dun feel like to think of anything.

i'm reading books with my eyes moving from line to line without understanding.

i don't think i'm in good state now anyway.

"Must achieve the purpose and bring some impact to the other people"
M.C.Shing (12 Sept 2009)

Opera

2009-09-06T00:31:00.002+08:00

I still remember every time the Ninth God Festival, i so wanted to go to the temple and watch the opera show. The freshly-steamed pinkish tortoise-like bun with paste filling. Joining the crowd.I always like to see the crowd rushing to offer their offerings to the gods in the temple.

What captures me the most is the opera. The opera was said by older people,like my aunt, is performed for the spirits. I duno la. So many uncle and aunties sitting there. Are they the spirits?

Cannot run away from the dessert stalls that are behind the temple. Heavenly!

I still remembered there was a character with long, black beard one scared me so much when i was young.

As time goes by, the culture will loss its identity shall it not well taken care.

visit: http://mok112.multiply.com/

Reflection

2009-09-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

Everybody was born by parents and was loved when was young (differ from case to case).

We should treat everyone with respect, i mean mutual respect!

We should try our best to do the best for the people who are in our team, our organisation.

This gives mutual benefits, provided there is mutual understanding between each other.

I'm willing to sacrifice, willing to do much more, willing to do all.

I'm hoping only a future. Goal achievement. Goal realisation.

Hours like seconds ticks away. Day by day, and week by week. Month by month.

Cherish and be better and better each day!

What am I saying???

2009-09-01T22:35:00.001+08:00

In a new world. What does it promise? Life or Money?

I believe this was the opened door, which i supposed to walk in and i did.

I believe this was to prepare me for the next battle, promising a return.

Before the return, I need to reach out.

I'm bounding myself. Im going futher. Im departing.

What to make it closer?

Discipline. Faithfulness. Hear more, Listen more, Understand more, Think more, Ponder more!

Too tired, sometime too tired. any cure for tiredness?

So empty, it is too empty. anything to fill up the emptiness?

Time flies, and what is the strategic plan?

3 years. 5 years. 10 years.

Vision and Mission.

SWOT?

TOWS?

Achievements?

Was this an answer for my doubts?

...Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like You have loved me Break my heart for what breaks Yours Everything I am for Your Kingdom's Cause As I walk from earth into eternity ..wish i can shout it out...

Arthur Lee T. L (1 Sept 2009: 2306hours)

1st movie- Coco avant Chanel 30/08/2009 2120hour

2009-08-31T00:37:00.002+08:00

it was loving. it was tragic. it was life-story beautifully retold. was inspiring. dare to be different.

but it was annoying. not the movie. a dumbass was sniffing his nose throughout the entire movie.the girl with him left halfway of the movie after received a call (talked so loudly). he wasn't enjoying the movie.he was restless, moving his ass in his seat.

another dumbass was burping in the cinema behind our seats.TWICE!!!